Dream Journal
My mother and I stepped into a hotel elevator, the place was very dirty and gross. The floor of the elevator was sloped down away from the door, and a tiny furry creature with a curled nose like an anteater sat on floor staring at us.
I asked my mom what it is, and she said it is a mouse, but I didn’t believe her. He keeps staring at me as I move away from him, holding up my skirt. I didn’t want to admit that I was afraid of him, but I knew that if he touched my legs I would scream.
When we got to our dirty room, we found some fresh, hot pizza had just been delivered. I opened the cupboards above the sink and found a ton of plastic plates and cups, and managed to pull out two matching plates — white with delicate blue flowers — for the pizza.
I turned around with the plates and Jen is there with us. I told her that I am quitting my job, and she asked what kind of job I am looking for. I told her that I haven’t started looking yet, but that I wouldn’t mind working at Home Depot. I quickly correct myself and stress that I had really meant Lowe’s; I wouldn’t mind working at Lowe’s.
She said that they are accepting applications right now, and dragged me down to the store to fill one out. But instead of simply filling out an application, there was a whole process to go through. There was a white room with many people at many desks, two of which were talking to applicants.
In front of me were two model-type girls, but they were just standing around. I made my way to the two women, both my age, talking with applicants, but they told me they were in the middle of helping someone else.
I went back to the doorway to wait, and watched the model-type girls go into the bathroom one at a time, and when they came back out they sat down with one of the recruiters. After the models left and progressed to the next room, I sat with one of the recruiters.
She handed me a clipboard with a yellow application and while I began filling it out, she pulled out a small blue plastic tube, shaped like a tampon, and put it up inside of me. Shocked at being violated in such an unexpected way, I asked her what it was for. She said it was for a test and not to worry. I assumed it was for a drug test, so I tried to forget about it.
I finished my paperwork, handed it to the recruiter who stood up with it and brought it to someone else’s desk. I pulled the blue plastic tube out of me because it really hurt. There were many pieces to the tube, each of which I was sure I did not get back together quite correctly.
When she came back to her desk I held the tube out to her and told her why I had removed it myself, but she just furrowed her brow. She took the tube from me and handed it off to a cute man, also about my age, who ushered it into another white room.
She looked over my application and asked a few questions when the boy came back and told her that I had tested negative for all known substances, but one of the graphs had a bubble in it. I asked him what that meant, and he told me that it was fine and not to worry about it. I asked him if it was a hormone chart, if it meant I could be pregnant, if something could be wrong, but he went back into his lab. My recruiter told me I could proceed to the next room, the room I saw the models go into.
When I got through the door I saw the rest of my singing and performing group. They were all dressed to the nines for a competition. I pulled on my dress and asked Ryan for some help with lacing my black corset. I wanted him to slip his arms around me, but he didn’t. The lacing took some time to complete, but once it was finished I looked great. We won the competition, which meant we got to host the next competition.
We dressed in our finest ball gowns for the next competition, and Cher welcomed all of the new competitors. She had four mechanical arms strapped to her back that spun in a circle that the competitors absolultely loved. They also were very excited that Cher was there.
I was very chipper that morning so I went downstairs to street level and asked the Mayor, who was sitting at his empty desk, if there was anything I could get for him. I rarely asked him if there was anything I could do for him, even though it was my job.
He got up from his desk and headed outside while telling me that I was to find five more Mayors for him. Pull them off the street, dress them up, he didn’t much care. And then he was gone.
I headed back out to the party and went to get myself a drink. One of the tables was filled with pink lemonade and blue lemonade, making a beautiful visual with all of the cups filled with alternating pink and blue drinks.
I noticed a commotion surrounding one of the guests, and I saw that he was very handsome. All of the girls in my group were trying to outdo each other getting him something to drink. He was wearing an expensive grey pinstripe suit and a goregeous silk tie with a pristine white shirt.
I interrupted the hoopla about him and told the girls to leave him alone before they stained his white shirt. He sat next to me and thanked me, re-buttoning his jacket so that the two pink and blue spots on it were better hidden.
We talked at length about many things. I complimented his tie, and he leaned far over the table at me and we kissed. I smiled knowing that I had gotten the man everyone else had wanted. He scooted closer to me and we kissed again, longer and deeper this time.
We were both lying on our backs, and I undid his tie and played with it. I told him about the task the Mayor had given me, and he asked if I had found five yet. Giggling, I replied that I had only found one, but that he would have to put his tie back on to play the part. He laughed.
I was sitting in the hallway of my high school with Ryan and a few other classmates. We were preparing and organizing our three-ring binders for the school year.
I finished explaining how everyone had a different filing system in their binders, and how Ryan’s was different than mine even though we both excelled in school. I stood up and said hi to Robert, who was standing behind me.
I walked with Robert a bit down the hallway when he grabbed Siri out of another group to join us. He told Siri, “This is Valette.” I turned to walk toward the other end of the hallway as Robert continued, “Those are Valette’s legs, and that is Valette’s butt.” I knew that I looked good in the jeans I wore that day.
Lying in the hallway at school, I was talking with Melissa and Ryan when the warning bell rang. I wasn’t sure where my class was, but I stayed lying down to finish our discussion.
A man came up behind me and kicked my feet. I looked up and he told me that if I stayed down there much longer I would be late to class. His smile was very warm and he went towards his class.
I got up slowly and opened my locker. Ryan wondered who the guy was and why he cared. I shut my locker, stepped closer to him, and said that if an upperclassman wanted to talk to me, I was fine with it. And besides, he was pretty cute.
I headed to my class and had to go up a long flight of stairs. There were three other people going up the stairs towards the class too, all of us running late. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, taking them two at a time. My textbook and notebook threatened to fall, but I managed to hang on to both of them.
The last bell rang while I was halfway up the stairs. Late, I bolted into my class. There were only three people in the seats, one of whom was the boy from the hallway. They turned to look at me.
Themes: Ryan
A photographer took my picture and needed to take Ryan Derry’s photo. We were deep in a forest, and the photographer wanted to get higher above the treetops to get the sky and mountains behind him in the picture.
The photographer and I climbed up a level and Ryan looked up onto it. He said that he wouldn’t go any further. He pointed to a tiny smudge of red on a leaf and said that his dad had fallen and cut himself there just yesterday.
I sat at a piano with a 5-year-old girl, and she asked me to teach her a song. I showed her where E is because that was the starting note of the song, then realized I should show her C first. When I showed her C, I realized that I showed her the C above middle C, giving her no frame of reference.
Feeling I was making it too complicated, I told her to try and follow me. I slowly played Three Blind Mice an octave above her and had her copy me. She soon gave up copying me and just plunked around.
I let her plunk and moved to the recliner chair next to the piano. Matt was already in the chair, but there was a bit of room on his right and I slid in sideways. The chair was only meant for one person, and I was sitting on top of him more than next to him.
My right knee slid over his thigh and my breasts pressed against his chest. I knew that he could see down my shirt, so I leaned forward to cover my chest with my head, and I held my bra in my mouth.
I could tell I was having quite an effect on him and I did what I could to inadvertently arouse him more. I leaned in closer to tell him something, making sure he could see far down my shirt. I mentioned how easy it was to press into his groin with my knee, demonstrated, and he rearranged himself.
I leaned over him and passionately kissed him then leaned back. He kept his eyes closed.
I was in an airplane flying to a large city - New York, maybe. We flew over a lot of water before finally landing and found out that the entire country had flooded, but this one city had been spared. The city was so large that one girl who live in the center of the city didn’t know that the country had flooded.
A bunch of long tables had been set up for the airplane passengers to eat dinner at the airport. I came to a nearly full table and saw an empty seat next to Ryan Derry and one across from Ryan right next to Bryce.
I decided I wanted to sit across from Ryan, but what I really wanted was to sit next to Bryce. When I got there the seat had been taken, so I went back to the other side of the table, but that seat had also been taken.
Themes: End of the World, Ryan
I was sitting on a large sectional black leather couch watching television with Loren and Ryan. Ryan stood up, took my hand, and led me from the room. I looked back and Loren had a large grin on his face as he watched us leave; he knew where we were going.
Ryan led me through hallways and grand rooms of his large mansion-like home. We stopped in the bedroom and fell into bed together.
We remained fully clothed despite the level of intimacy we both desired. He was on top of me, kissing me everywhere. His hands rubbed my breasts while he repeated, “Your breasts. Your breasts.” I used my hands to press my breasts together over his face; he liked that a lot.
I got up and went into the bathroom. While there, his mother rushed into his room at 1:30 am to check on him. I smiled at our good fortune that I was in the bathroom at the time and she didn’t find us in each other’s arms because she would have had a fit. She wore a peach and white flowery satin nightgown and robe.
On my way back to his room after she left, I passed Ryan’s father in the hallway. His father nodded at me and smiled. He was wearing a dark blue or brown corduroy robe over light blue cotton pajama bottoms.
Ryan’s bedroom was huge and his bed larger than any I had ever seen before. The pillows and blankets were so thick and soft. I was at perfect peace in that room.
We resumed our clothed intercourse and I could feel his penis thrusting at my hips rhythmically. I wanted to climb on top of it and push it deep into me, but we kept our clothes on and continued with the heavy petting. It briefly crossed my mid that he once told me he was gay.
We heard his mom in the hallway, so I jumped of the bed and behind the right door of his small closet. She immediately opened the closet door and pushed me out into the hall.
The scene replays: we heard her in the hallway, so I jumped behind the left door of his closet. I was unable to keep my balance and leaned back into the hanging clothes. She probably heard the hangers move on the rack. She opened the closet door and pushed me out into the hall.
The scene replays: we heard her in the hallway, but this time I decided to stay in bed with her son.
I stood in the middle of a high school cafeteria with Ryan Derry. We are both much older than those around us, and much more confidant; we came to pass out fliers to the students at the high school.
The students sat at small round tables like those found in a coffee house. I saw Melissa and Marquella at a table on the other side of the cafeteria and make my way towards them. I sat down and noticed Melissa had a nose ring. I thought it looked really good on her, and wondered how she had slipped it past our parents.
Marquella left the table. Melissa and I finished our lunches until she had to go back to class.
Mom had adopted a little toddler girl, and I took her everywhere with me. She had soft blonde curls and wore a lot of dresses. We were in a warehouse with Damon, and I watched her walk here and there, touching everything. I loved her a lot. I picked her up and she kissed me on the cheek.
Then I was at church waiting for Tina’s wedding to start. Everyone in the wedding party was still dressed in jeans and t-shirts, and they did practice runs while the audience waited.
I had a plate of food and was sitting in the very back row with high school friends. Loren said something about needing a Squirt, reaching for his soda. I made a sexual joke about the name of his soda and him needing some semen. Ryan stood a bit away from the group trying to get our full attention - he was singing, or dancing, or something similar. He was very funny.
I was walking up a hill with Ryan Derry towards some familiar building - either my home or the home of someone I knew. We heard seven huge pounds and then the earth shook us to the ground. After the quake was over, we looked up and saw that some trees had been knocked over by the show.
I asked if there had been an avalanche, and he said it must have been; it missed us by a few feet. We walked over to the snow-made path and found that the snow was very hard and much easier to walk on than the path we were currently on.
A bit further up the mountain we saw a snow machine track that crossed over the avalanche path. It went to the left while the avalanche path kept going up. I wanted to take the snow machine path, but the snow was much softer and deeper there - it was very difficult to walk on.
We got back on the snow’s path and followed it up the mountain. At the top we met up with some old classmates - Jessica, Briar, Nadia, and some others. We looked down the other side of the hill and saw the avalanche path continued down this side as well. Jessica complained that this valley smelled like sulfur. After she said that I agreed with her, but knew that we had to go down this side of the hill. We slid down the hill on our butts.
At the bottom, we were in the elementary school hallway. This was where we had started from - we had gone back in time to before the avalanche. I looked at Ryan, and he was very alarmed. I gave him a big kiss as he ran into his classroom.
I went down to the kindergarten classroom and passed Mr. Ladd, the teacher - I was his aid. He asked me to start without him because he had something to do before he could go to class. I went inside the room and sat with a line of kindergarteners.
Abi was five years old and twirling around in her tan dress with some logo on her chest. She was very proud of what her dress said - it was about some accomplishment she had done. One little boy couldn’t read it and was making fun of her, but she was still very happy about it.
I was sitting against a closet door. I opened the door and saw a Jr. High student sitting in the dark near tears. I knew that she had experienced the previous avalanche with the rest of us. I told her to stay in the closet and to not look out; she will be safe in there.
When I looked back to the room, the classroom had split in two. The half the kindergarteners and I were on had not changed, but the other half had shot into the air by 15 feet or so, creating a sheer cliff. Mr. Ladd was perched kind of on the edge of the cliff.
He slammed his feet into the edge of the cliff seven times to get his footing and get over the tall edge. I immediately knew this was the seven booms Ryan and I had heard before, and I knew that Mr. Ladd had planned this entire thing.
I looked up to the top of the cliff and saw Mr. Ladd on top of a white and black spotted horse - of the horse all I could see was a bit of its behind. Mr. Ladd looked to his left and said, “Come on, honey,” and took off. I told Ryan about this, and he asked if he had called his horse honey, or someone else. I think it was someone else - Mrs. Ladd, perhaps.
I was so angry that he had left all of the kids behind. I knew that the avalanche was coming any second. I glanced back at the closet door on my right and saw that the hallway door was open only a bit. I called into the hallway and Lacey came back inside the room. I scolded her for running away, then turned to Damon and told him that I had brought her to keep her safe. He told me that he had brought Seby, too.
Themes: Ryan
I was leaning against Ryan, a friend from high school. I linked arms with him and put my head on his shoulder. My head fit perfectly in the space between his shoulder and neck.
Themes: Ryan
I am standing in a large crowd of people that are quickly and silently filing unwillingly toward a large theatre-type building. It is about an hour after sunset and the sky is darkening. I am about a half mile from the building just outside of the main gate and up on a slight hill. I can see the crowd I am with number into the thousands, and that they are all people my age.
Just above and slightly to the left of the large building some fireworks are shot off. There are a pair of red dragon fireworks that swoop down towards the building, then turn back up and eats itself.
Once inside, my friend Helen with me and we were looking for a place to sit. The auditorium was not as big as I had expected, and many of my high school classmates had already claimed seats. I saw a close high school friend Ryan sitting a few rows below where Helen and I were standing. He was wearing a gold ring on his left nipple and a tight black top. He is sitting with some friends, but there is an empty seat on his left.
I want to sit by him and talk about everything; Helen convinces me to go down there and do it. When I get there, he tells me that he is saving the seat for Siobhan and then turns back to the friend on his right. Siobhan comes up behind me, pushes me out of the way, and sits down, hardly acknowledging my existence.
Back in the aisle to again find a good place to sit, Helen spots Tina a few rows above us on right aisle edge. I try to get her attention to see if there is any room, but she doesn’t see me.
I wander through the curtain on the edge of the auditorium only to come upon an extension of the auditorium. It had been split it into sections with large, deep red curtains. All of the seats are the same red color. I find the side room to be full of rejects: dorks, geeks, and the socially inept. They have been separated from everyone else, but I cannot figure out why.
The show starts on stage, but these rejects are not able to see it - they can only hear it through the thick curtain.
None of them are sitting in seats, but are standing on a platform above the seats. They are talking with each other about science and math and history. I wander through them, saying hi to everyone who makes eye contact. I am upset that they are separated from everyone else.
I walk up to a midget who is somehow physiologically connected to a square metal structure, much like a drum set cage. His structure stands four and a half feet tall, and he is suspended within. We make light conversation and I find he is very funny. He shows me how he opens up his metal square, and he pretends to be biting at something in the air with it.
I wander back further through the group and see a door on the back wall. There is a window making up half of the door, and I see that it is bright daylight outside. I open the door and walk out into the courtyard.
There is no one in sight, and I know that I am not supposed to be outside. Unhurriedly and confidently, I walk away from the theatre and towards the sun.
Themes: Ryan
I walked up to a couch on which a handful of my male high school friends were sitting. I sat down with B on my right and Bjorn on my left. Ryan was standing and talking to everyone on the couch. He knelt down in front of me and asked if he could give me a hug. I agreed, and then he said that he shouldn’t because he didn’t want to embarrass me.
I reach my hand down and covered my tuft of pubic hair, lowering my eyes, as I was embarrassed to be sitting naked in the midst of these boys. But Ryan meant my breasts, and then loudly declaimed, “World peace,” as though my breasts were the source of such peace.
Themes: Ryan
I was at my friend Ryan’s house back in homer - except the layout of the house was more like grandmas. I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water, where Ryan’s mom was drying dishes. I got the glass out of the cupboard, and thought that I should say at least hi to Ryan’s mom, but neither one of us said anything. I filled my glass with water, then another friend came in to do the same, but she couldn’t find the glasses. I directed her towards the correct cupboard.
She left, and I went over to the window to stand by Ryan’s mom, who then turned into my mom. I looked over at the opposite wall and saw a gigantic spider/insect on the wall. It was probably almost a foot long. It had huge plates on its back and head, and I asked mom if it was an armored bug. She said she thought so. I called into the living room to get someone to come kill it - Ryan and a few others were sitting on the couch and laughed because I was afraid of a bug.
Mom and I watched as it crawled slowly up the wall, then mom turned around and the bug started running down the wall and across the floor towards us, like it had sensed us looking at it. I yelled to mom to get it before it got us, so she grabbed a spoon and went after it. She missed with the spoon and the spider ran up and around her leg. She yelled to me to get it off of her. I grabbed a long silver baking spoon and tried to get it. I was on my knees and swatted at the floor once and felt the spider jump up at my face. I hit the floor a few more times in succession, and then mom pulled me up off of the floor. She told me that I had killed it the first try, and that it had an aneurysm. I told her that I had one as well and my heart was pounding in my chest.
Themes: Ryan