Dream Journal
I am driving down Airport Way alone in Dana’s old blue car in the right lane. There is quite a bit of traffic and the sun is starting to set. In the left lane is a police car. I do not worry about the police because I am doing the speed limit and wearing my seat belt. I move into the left lane and approach an intersection. I watch the light turn red just before I turn left: I ran the light.
Glancing in the rear view mirror hoping that the cop wouldn’t be there, I see the lights turn on. I pull up to the curb at the grocery store and stop as the cop car pulls up behind me. I worry that we are blocking the entrance but do not want to move in case the cop thinks I am trying to evade.
The male officer gets into my driver’ seat and I slide over into the passenger’s seat. He writes out a ticket while talking to me. He talks a lot, telling me to watch the lights better among other things. He gives a big sigh and says that this will only be a warning. I am relived and think of the other tickets I had gotten this year.
Inside the grocery store, B and I are walking down an aisle. I am carrying a red basket. This is the day after we had a huge fight that ended when I kicked him out of the apartment. He tells me that he is seeing another woman - I am very angry and very sad. We weren’t divorced or even separated yet; it was only a fight.
This other woman is in the store with her little girl at the same time I am. B casually tossed an item into the basked for me to buy. We are walking by the candles and I tell him, “You’re the one that fucked up, not me.” He nodded, and I asked him how he could do this to me.
At the checkout, the bagger (a teen boy) asked me if his item was going home with me or with the other lady. I was furious at the thought of B going home with the other woman.
Out at the car the sky had turned into night. I was looking around and under the steering wheel and front seats trying to find the latch that opened the trunk. I couldn’t find it. The other woman pulls up behind me and I am crushed to think that he would choose her right in front of me. I wanted him to go home with me.
He stood between the cars and I cried.
Themes: B