Dream Journal
The entire extended family was at my parents’ house for dinner. I was still young enough to be living at home. We were all in my parents’ basement - it was set up just like it was when the family was still living there. I was sprawled out in my favorite orange chair and had it tilted far forward. Dad and grandpa decided to pray over the meal; they stood up to my right by dads chair and faced out the windows. Dad glared at me; he wanted me to stand, but I didn’t want to.
During prayer I rocked the chair back and forth as quietly as I could, but the chair ended up hitting the wall pretty loudly. I tried hopping the recliner forward to get it away from the wall - this made a much louder noise.
After prayer, dad was mad at me. I turned to him in the middle of the living room and began yelling at him. I told him every one of his faults and how much I despised him. I vented for quite a while.
Later, I found him in the unfinished upstairs. The walls, ceilings, and floors were still covered in plywood. He was standing in the middle of what would become the living room and was tinkering with some tool. I went up to him as he was standing up straight. I leaned in close to his face and whispered through firmly clenched teeth, “I hate you.” I turned and walked into what was my and Melissa’s room.
Inside the room, it was set up as it currently is: empty but for a few boxes of Melissa’s stuff and her cold waterbed. I am no longer young, but am my current age; I am crying. Standing on the side of the bed by the door, I opened my bag that was sitting on top of her bed and start stuffing items into it. I desperately want to leave the house and get away from my father. I undress to put on some cleaner clothes.
While I am naked, my father pounds on the door. Now standing by the side of the bed by the wall and looking at the door, I grab a sheet to cover myself and then yell, “I’m naked!” The knocking stops and I relax a bit. But then he opens the door and comes in despite my warning. I think that I should have locked the door (which is odd because that door has never had a lock).
He decides that ‘we need to talk about this’ and is determined to not leave until it is ‘all straightened out.’ I yell at him to leave my room and let me finish getting dressed. I feel very vulnerable and scared of what he is going to do to me. He steps toward me looking at the sheet I am holding over me.
I yell for my mom to come help. I have to yell loudly so she can hear me: she is downstairs. She comes upstairs and stands between my dad and me, not taking her eyes off of him. She says nothing and he leaves the room.
I am crying uncontrollably; all I want is for B to come take me away from there.
Now dressed, my mom and I walk into the upstairs entryway. The upstairs now looks completely finished: as it is today. My dad is standing by the door with his arms crossed: he is not going to let me leave without interacting with him. My mom glares at him and he goes downstairs.
B drives into the parking lot and I run to meet him. I give him a big and long hug. We get into the car and drive out of the parking lot. Part way down the road we are riding a snow machine and I am driving. B instructs me to drive into the ditch and up a small embankment in order to miss something on the road that we shouldn’t drive over. He then wants me to jerk the handlebars in the opposite direction than the one we want to go. His instructions don’t make any sense to me, but I try it.
This scene replays with different outcomes. My mind is trying to figure out what would happen if I were to actually do what B instructed. I wake up before my mind can come to a conclusion.