Dream Journal
I was at mom and dads. It was around dinnertime, and I was getting hungry. So I went to the kitchen to make some dinner. I was going to make spaghetti and meatballs for the whole family. I got the sauce in one pot getting warm and the water in another pot then went to the bathroom while it was boiling. I came back and both of my pots were gone and the burners they were on had been turned off. In their place were two flat cookie sheets covered in non-cooked beans and all sorts of herbs neatly grouped and looking very aesthetic and very purposeful. I couldn’t figure out what had happened to my pots. I looked around a bit and found them in the sink and dad was doing dishes. The kitchen felt very crowded with stuff on the counters.
I was upset that mom had thought they were dirty. She stepped into the kitchen, I asked why she took my pots away, and she said that I wasn’t watching them so she figured I was done. I got super upset - was crying so hard I could barely talk. I almost yelled that I had just gone to the bathroom for one minute to come back and find that I had been kicked out of the kitchen. I followed mom downstairs trying to get her to tell me why she had done it and trying to convey that she shouldn’t have. I told her that I had been hungry and since she hadn’t started dinner then I was going to. But my anger and sadness just kept building and building until I was doing that big-breath-in thing that you do when you’ve been crying reeeeally hard and my speaking was barely a whisper. She handed me my black yoga pants and said, ‘There, will that make you happy?’ and went back upstairs.
I followed, speechless in my angry tears, and found the kitchen to be empty but for one sandwich-sized plastic bag filled half way with spaghetti noodles cut into pieces the length of the bag so that they all fit perfectly horizontal. That was all that was left of the dinner I had left. I was in sheer agony - dropped to my knees right there on the kitchen rug and wept hard and uncontrollably. I ran out of the kitchen and downstairs to the orange laz-y-boy chair that was always my favorite, grabbed a blanket, and cried and cried. My old dog Chilie jumped up into the chair with me and laid with me. I remember thinking, “I’m not going to survive the entire summer here!”
All of a sudden I wanted to talk to B - he was still in Fairbanks. I went to the family room, but the computer was gone and so was everything else - I remember thinking that it smelled musty. The phone was gone, and there was no phone elsewhere downstairs. I heard Melissa coming down the stairs, so I ran back to the chair and got back under the blanket with Chilie. Mom was right behind Melissa, and they both stood on opposite sides of the chair (Melissa on my left, mom on my right) trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I told them to go away. Melissa grabbed a book from the bookshelf and asked if I had ever read it - if not, then I need to. I caught a small glimpse of the cover and noticed that the word ‘sex’ was in its title. I pulled the covers up over my eyes to make everyone go away.